Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable: Becoming an Ally at Work

“Allyship is the art and commitment of standing with someone and standing for them, and not just standing by” according to Olivet Jones, Founder of The Felicity Group and featured speaker at the Sept. 28 CLE hosted by Women in the Profession Committee Co-Chairs, Michele Punturi (Marshall Dennehey) and Neelima Vanguri (Sidney Gold).

Even if you are not in a position to change policies at your firm, you can control how you engage with others. “We spend a large portion of our lives working, but do we really take the time to get to know our coworkers who are often vastly different than we are?” (Punturi)

The first step to becoming an ally is determining where you are on your own journey. “Think about identity factors – especially race, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, physical ability, nationality – and deconstruct your personal history. Why is that important? Because the things that we identify with are the lens through which we experience the world and engage with others.” (Jones) Your history will also help identify items that make you a better ally and those that might get in the way. Second is to remember that you’re human and to give yourself some grace. The third step is to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Understanding allyship involves two fundamental concepts: “One-up, one-down,” as described by Verna Myers in What if I Say the Wrong Thing? “The one-up group is whatever group is in power and has the ability to control, dictate, manipulate; to cause things to happen. The one-down group does not have that or has less than that.” (Jones) Next is the concept of privilege. Some people are uncomfortable with privilege because they don’t understand it; some weaponize it and internalize blame. Privilege is the “unearned advantage you have simply because of something you had nothing to do with – the skin you were born in, gender, your physical ability, a number of things. The key to allyship is understanding. And it is a two-way street. The one-down group needs to be vulnerable and willing to trust and to engage as well as the one-up group.” (Jones)

One-downers tire of people either dismissing what they’re experiencing or making light of it, according to Jones. “’We’re all the same; we’re all human beings.’ Yes, we are, but … are you really being an ally or are you working your own guilt, your own shame, and looking for that one-down person to legitimize it and make you feel better? If that’s the case, that’s not allyship, that’s therapy.” (Jones)

“If you’re in an organization where the numbers don’t even come close to being significant in terms of workforce representation, don’t [say] ‘we can’t find any [diverse candidates].’ That’s a rationalization, not allyship. Allyship is about making things happen.” (Jones)

Vanguri asked about the importance of a DE&I plan. “Do you have a plan for everything you say is important? Yes, it’s important to have a plan different from your affirmative action plan. If you don’t have a plan, it’s like jumping in a car and driving with the hope that you’ll get there. Your plan is your GPS.” (Jones)

Recommended reading includes a series of Diversity Partnership Tips articles by Bill Proudman, How to Be an Anti-Racist by Ibram Kendi and The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas, along with free Race Matters webinars by Korn Ferry. “It’s not enough to be informed. The power of allyship is: ‘I make a decision to stand against things that are unjust, things that impinge upon other people’s ability to make their full contribution, things that are inequitable.’” (Jones)

Reprinted with permission from the January 2022 edition of the Philadelphia Bar Reporter © 2022 Philadelphia Bar Association. All rights reserved. Further duplication without permission is prohibited (contact (215) 238-6300 or reporter@philabar.org).